On Failed Resolutions

Another year, another swarm of resolutions, gym memberships, and eventual disappointment come mid-January (or early February, if you’re really dedicated!)

… this is never how I want to see my New Years Resolutions going, but another year has come and gone with zero goals met once again. I’m guessing if you’ve glanced at what your ambitious pre-2017-self wrote down last year, you’re asking yourself the same question: what went wrong?

My 2017 began in an ideal setting – my family was in the Cameron Highlands (a highland area in Peninsular Malaysia) for a quiet, do-nothing-on-purpose time away before jumping back into school and work. Days were spent reading, praying, and peacefully relaxing: the perfect opportunity to reflect on the previous year and look ahead to the new one. I read New Years blog posts, made New Years lists, and prayed a lot of New Years prayers, reflecting and asking God to guide me as I stepped into 2017.

I set four goals, hoping a smaller amount would be less ambitious and therefore more attainable:

  • Be in bed by 10:30pm each night
  • Wake up by 6:30am each morning
  • Be in the Word each day
  • Don’t use social media until ALL work is finished
    • Bonus: find more productive break time activities

This was supposed to be easy, right? Sticking to a bedtime and wake-up time, reading the Bible, and getting homework done – that’s not rocket science. And yet here I sit, staring 2018 in the face with no regular sleep schedule, a Bible-in-a-year plan only 3 books in, and the same procrastination habits as before. Why?

It strikes me that I am an idealist.

I listen to productivity podcasts (my favorite is College Info Geek!), read books like Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit, and (attempt) productively creative endeavors like keeping a bullet journal. I love to picture this made-up character called my Ideal Self; I love to consider what habits my ideal self keeps, the sorts of hobbies she enjoys, the trendy clothes and the healthy diet and the immaculately clean desk she has. I may or may not have a Pinterest board for productivity-related things. If you’re reading a blog post about someone else’s New Year goals, you’re probably an idealist, too.

We spend so much of our time picturing places we want to be, habits we want to be building, business we want to be doing; and we don’t stop to consider the stuff we’re already doing, just doing poorly. What does that mean?

I have a lot of homework to do; but I try to work with friends or in noisy places or at my job, and it doesn’t get done very quickly. I keep a bullet journal to stay organized; but I don’t pull it out regularly to actually check the things I need to get done. I eat three meals a day in my university’s cafeteria; but I don’t make the healthiest of food choices a vast majority of the time.

And it strikes me – why am I trying to add things to my life when I should be focusing on the things that are already a part of it?

We get so distracted setting shiny new goals – work out three times a week, read my Bible every day, post on my blog at least once a month – that we forget to focus on making the most out of the time we already have. My 2017 goals were left in the lurch as soon as something else looked more fun to try; so instead of getting better sleep, getting my work done, and reading my Bible, I tried and failed to eat healthy, tried and failed to keep a blog active, tried and failed to hit my Goodreads book goal… I tried and failed at a lot of things.

As I write this, February stares me in the face, her cold winds chilling me to the bone as I consider my shiny new 2018 goals come and gone (bedtime, Bible, and going Paleo for the month of January – all three unsuccessfully implemented). I could sigh and resign myself to forever chasing after fun new productivity hacks and exciting lifestyle trends; or I could concentrate of what’s already here to change.

So my new New Years’ Resolution? No more new habits. No more new self-induced pressures to do things. Just… focusing on what’s already in front of me.

Will I still try things? For sure. I’ve always wanted to be a wake-up-early-bird; maybe I’ll try a 6:30 am morning routine (and probably stop after a week.) Maybe I’ll get some friends to drag me to the gym every once in a while. Maybe I’ll try Paleo for 3 days again. (Yeah, I only lasted 3 days…)

But whatever I decide to do, I’m not going to put pressure on myself to stick with it. For now, it’s about the life I already have. 🙂

So farewell, Ideal Self – hopefully I’ll see you someday!

Source of the Cell – Kimberly Does Apologetics!

Most people who know me are aware that I’m a pretty big proponent of science and logic–so it’s not really a surprise to anyone when I say I’m a fan of Christian apologetics.

This year, I am loving my Apologetics class; we’ve been watching talks by Dr. Stephen C. Meyer about the origins of life, we talked about Ben Stein’s documentary Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, and I’m in the middle of reading Michael Behe’s Darwin’s Black Box. Needless to say, I’m in my element right now. 🙂

One of our projects was to make a visual summary of a few of the main arguments for intelligent design; so I made a video. It covers three of the main questions we need to ask about the origin of life and summarizes the arguments on both sides. If science is your thing (or even if it isn’t and you just like bad art), go check it out! I worked really hard on it, and I’m pretty proud of how it turned out.

Thanks for watching! Hopefully I’ll be creating more content like this in the future; let me know what you think!

Trusting God’s Plan

Lately I’ve been really struggling with giving my life over to God’s plan.

It’s hard to admit it, but deep down I’m afraid that God’s plan won’t match up with my plan. That’s the heart of it. So often we face this struggle–what if God doesn’t want me to date this person? What if God doesn’t want me to go to college? (Or what if he does?) What if He doesn’t want me to do [insert something you want to do here]?

It’s tough. It really, truly, is. Everyone struggles with their own desires overshadowing God’s–and everyone struggles with wondering if God’s plan is really as good as the Bible says it is. It’s okay to ask and to wonder and to question. But what should we do when we find ourselves doubting God’s plan and being afraid that we won’t like it?

Continue reading “Trusting God’s Plan”

“Why do you love music?”

“It’s because… like… well, I’ve just… music has always been a huge part of my life, and I don’t… Why can’t I think of anything to say?

I stood rigid, wringing my hands in front of my teacher’s desk, baffled that I couldn’t put my passion into words.

“I’m guessing no one’s ever asked you that question before,” Mr. Ramos said with a knowing sort of smile.

He’s right. I don’t think anyone has. Continue reading ““Why do you love music?””

[Guest Post] Neither Jew nor Greek: The Church and the Civil Rights Movement

Check out my guest post on author Mark W. Sasse’s blog about the Church and the Civil Rights Movement!

I appreciate Kimberly Horton allowing me to publish her very interesting paper on various Christian denominations’ responses to the Civil Rights Movement. It’s an area I had not previously given much thought to, but as you will see, it’s an area where the view of the church and Christian charity towards equal rights for African […]

via Neither Jew nor Greek: The Church and the Civil Rights Movement — mwsasse

 

Your Friend is an Alcoholic

Your friend is an alcoholic.

An ex-convict and alcoholic, to be exact. Two years ago, he was arrested for multiple DUIs and an incident at a bar that ended in a black eye and bloody nose (and you should have seen the other guy.) Today, he’s living in a halfway house, trying to kick his addiction and take back his life.

Your friend is a drug addict.

He’s been living on the streets for years, buying and selling and getting high and crashing low. He comes to you every once in a while, and you clean him up, let him stay in your house, encourage him to get better. He never does–but you hope that someday, someday he might be receptive.

Continue reading “Your Friend is an Alcoholic”

The Porn We Don’t Talk About: Erotica

The Bible talks a lot about “abstaining from sexual immorality”; and aside from premarital sex, one of the first things that comes to mind is pornography.

Porn is a terrible struggle—it’s embarrassing, it’s hard to break free from, and it’s permanently altering. It’s also often shrouded under stereotypes and lies. Porn is a guys-only struggle. Porn is only what the worst sinners struggle with. Anyone who watches porn is permanently messed up. In my opinion, though, the worst one is porn is pictures or videos of people engaged in sexual acts.

Continue reading “The Porn We Don’t Talk About: Erotica”

Hello (It’s Me)

Hey!

I’m doing WordPress.com’s Blogging University challenge over on my writing blog, and I’ve decided that it’s going to be a blog focused solely on writing–which means all my personal stuff is going to get relegated to this blog over here! Just in case you ever wanted to hear what I think about debate, travel, cats, or whatever I feel like telling you about, this blog is here so you can do that 😉

… anyways. In all seriousness, my name is Kimberly Horton, I’m a student, writer, actress, traveler, INFJ, Christian, and proud of all of those things. I’m extremely nerdy, I tend to ramble (which is… probably apparent), and once you start talking to me about Harry Potter I’ll probably be your best friend. And then I won’t shut up. 😉

If you want to know more about who I am, go check out my About page on my regular writing blog over here. For writing things, go there. For personal anecdotes and other things not pertaining to writing, click around!